Friday, February 3, 2012

Counselor's Corner: 2 Tips for Helping Kids with Anger


At Atlas Prep, students and teachers alike take pride in our PREP values: being Professional, Respectful, Engaged, and Prepared.  When a student’s behavior does not reflect our PREP values, they earn a deduction, or a garnished wage in extreme cases. This growth process often results in emotional pain.  We have all felt angry, frustrated, or embarrassed at different times in our lives, and these feelings are normal human emotions.  Some students, however, feel and express ANGER far more than any other emotion when given a consequence.

It is heartbreaking for any adult to see students struggling with anger. Students sometimes express anger towards teachers, the school in general, or some other external factor. This type of response is natural to a degree. Adults even make excuses, blame others, and become mad at those doling out consequences, rather than considering how they can change their own behavior. So how can we, as caring adults, deliver consequences in a way that minimizes student anger?

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Here are two tips every Atlas teacher uses to help students grow while minimizing the pain that often leads to anger:

Tip #1 - Give Consequences Calmly

 

As adults, we want nothing more than for our students to grow.  But if a consequence is delivered in a rude, critical manner, the student can become angrily focused on the person giving the consequence.  Anger can lead to hostility, misunderstanding, and additional conflict with others. A student’s reaction can be even more severe if the critique is delivered aggressively.  In some cases, students can lose sight of their own behavior. 

When delivering a critique calmly, it is easier for students to focus on the message you are telling them instead of the emotion you speak with.  In this way, adults have tremendous influence over how students calmly take accountability for their actions. 

Tip #2 – Give Consequences with Empathy

 

All Atlas teachers stress the importance of giving consequences with empathy, a term coined by the creators of Love and Logic.  When consequences are given in a sincere, empathetic manner (which is easier said than done, of course), scholars are able to reflect on their own behavior more clearly. I have heard Atlas teachers say things like, “I’m very sorry to give you a garnished wage for repeatedly talking,” or, “I really like having you in class, but you are too much of a distraction to stay.”

In the following video, Dr. Fay explains how we always need to “lock in that strong dose of empathy, or sadness for the kid, before we deliver the bad news.” Take a look at this video and consider how giving consequences with empathy can minimize a student’s anger, and increase self-reflection and personal growth.


Here at Atlas we will continue offering consequences gently and with empathy, knowing that students will examine their own behavior and cherish the opportunity to grow.

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School Counselor Danny Gibbons is a graduate of King's College and UCCS.  When he isn't working tirelessly with Atlas Scholars, he enjoys sports, traveling, and the company of family and friends.



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